Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it hurts more in the daytime
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize