Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
