why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize