You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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