i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
