I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
