Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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