Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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