did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
