I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
