sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
