He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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