the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
