ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Randomize
