If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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