the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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