and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
