I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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