Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
