So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
