Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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