i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
