Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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