She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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