My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
