I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You don't make any sense
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