Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
