Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
