Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
