in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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