umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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