I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
