Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
