She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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