i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
