a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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