I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
