I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize