I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
