bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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