I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
