I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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