If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
