Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize