Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
