Your tits are I can't wait for
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
