I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
