it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize