So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Randomize
