remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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