You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
