my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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