He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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