Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
