i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
