I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
