I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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