it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
