We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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