when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
