wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
