Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
