I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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