woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
