His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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