I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
