She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
