He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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