Sry I called you an 8
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
