are you so shy because you have an std?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
