I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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