You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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