and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
