I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
