apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
