Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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